Hey! Me again.
How you all baring up?? I want to talk to you all about parenting during times like these and how it can take its toll on you mentally and emotionally. Like in everyday life we have our self esteem, I believe as parents we have something called parental esteem, cut short it is how we feel about our parenting.
For example with self esteem, we may loathe a particular part of our body and compare that part of our body to others. In parental esteem we may feel because we work so much we don't spend enough time connecting with our children, finding yourself comparing your parental skills to say a stay at home mum and all her Instagram pictures of her and her children together baking or doing arts and crafts. But what you don't see on the flip side is that the stay at home mum may be secretly losing her shit behind the insta perfect pictures and be desperate to have a wee in peace without hearing muuuuuuuuuum for the 100th time, or they may feel like they're letting their children down by not going out to work.
This all came about as I had a spectacular meltdown the other day in which I screamed in frustration at all the tribe as they were arguing over the bloody xbox AGAIN (right on top of bed time) and just sent them all to bed with no films etc then I went and sat in my shower for a good half an hour and bawled my eyes out. I'd been baking orders all day, whilst trying to mum, human and deal with the house. I had my physical health on my mind. My relationship. My finances. This car crash claim, which I'm honestly losing sleep over as I have no solicitor or legal aid at present due to the current pandemic and the not knowing and no finances is making me ill. It just all got too much. I felt like everyone would be better off without me, I'm a burden, I have nothing to give, I'm a shit mum etc I tore myself apart.
Then I seen a post circulating about a young mum whom had taken her own life during lockdown as she had no income and was overwhelmed by it all and wasn't coping with the loneliness. And sat there in the shower bawling my eyes out, all the old and anger and frustration and thoughts of self harm allowed themselves to creep back into my consciousness, I could really relate. She felt she was doing so poorly with her children's home schooling. She felt she wasn't enough, because social media told her so. Because she was seeing posts from other parents whom had it all sorted and planned. Let me tell you, from experience, most of what you see on social media is a lie. It's a lie of omission. It's half truth. It's a well timed, well angled photo. Those mums gushing over how much they enjoyed baking with their kids wont tell you about them going bat shit crazy over a bit of shell in the mix or their frustration that their kitchen now looks like a cocaine den with all the flour and icing sugar everywhere.
The mothers bragging about how much school work their kids have done? Their perfectly coordinated time tables? They probably only followed that once or twice, because I know I have before often giving up and allowing them all on their Xboxes. The kids are just as feral as me at this point.
Don't ever compare yourself to other mums on social media. They're falling apart just as much as you are. And if they tell you otherwise? Just nod, call them Mary Poppins and unfollow the smug fockers.
Your kids ate pizza and chips again today? Well done. They got fed.
They only did one bit of homework? Its fine. Well done.
Your house is a bombsite? So focking what, you're not alone. Mine genuinely looks like I'm losing a round of jumaji.
We all go through the same things but differently. Do not take permanent action over a temporary problem. Please reach out because honestly you're not alone. We all have days where we lose our shit and it is so important and so nice to know there are others feeling them feelings you are too and that you're not going crazy for feeling that way.
You got this mama bear, your little tribe love you.