Katie Clegg is a CBT therapist and online coach. This lady is AMAZING. Empathetic and kind, but, will also give you a reality dropkick if needed too. A constant fountain of information and thought provoking lives, she is exactly what women need in an online coach. When it comes to weight loss and body image Katie is both realistic and compassionate in her approach to coaching and combines CBT with many of her online plans. It brings me great joy to have her guest feature on thewarriorlady blog and I hope many of you find what she has to say relatable and helpful.....
We all do this from time to time. I mean, food tastes great, right? It can be a comfort for us all (Mr Kipling cherry bakewell’s are my personal fave, other cakes available, FYI ).
An issue arises, though, when it’s our only form of comfort. In the same way as someone using alcohol or drugs as their only form of comfort, it can lead us away from what we ultimately want for ourselves and our lives.
How do we break this cycle?
How can we change our approach to have a altogether more positive impact?
Well, We have to start to become aware of our thought processes and reframe our thinking.
This includes practicing compassion for yourself.
𝗜𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗟𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗲 (𝗕𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗻 𝗲𝘁 𝗮𝗹., 𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟲)
𝗠𝗮𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗹𝘆
𝗠𝗮𝘆 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗸 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀
𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝗻 𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗴𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂
𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲.
Compassion for self is practiced ‘Because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are’ (Kristen Neff)
Your 𝑰𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔 may go along the lines of:
𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒔𝒂𝒅.
𝑰’𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓.
𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒏, 𝑰’𝒎 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏.
𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒆. 𝑰’𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓.
𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒖𝒑, 𝑰’𝒎 𝒂 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒆. 𝑰 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒅𝒊𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝑰’𝒍𝒍 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆.
𝘼 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚:
𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙨𝙖𝙙.
𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙩’𝙨 𝙤𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙨𝙖𝙙, 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣.
𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙢𝙚 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙤...
𝙄’𝙢 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙙.
𝙄𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙨𝙖𝙙 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙩’𝙨 𝙤𝙠. 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙣𝙪𝙢𝙗 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜.
𝙄𝙛 𝙄 𝙙𝙤 𝙙𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙞𝙩’𝙨 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙚. 𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣’𝙩 𝙧𝙪𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙄’𝙢 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙖 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙚.
Can you see the difference? And how different the outcomes would be?
Another technique I use with my clients, is a CBT method called STOPP. Next time you feel emotional follow this process (make sure you also write it all down - this is important!)
S - Stop!
T - Take a breath
O - Observe (without judgement, a compassionate approach) - what are you feeling? Why? What were the triggers?
P - Perception. Consider the bigger picture here. Will it help you actually feel better? Has it helped before? What action could you take that would help? Eg if you’re stressed, would going out for a walk help more?
P - Put it into practice! Now take action, based on what your wrote down.
It’s about reframing that thinking.
𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 leads to 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 which leads to 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞.
You are not a failure.
Remember, practicing compassion is because you take care of yourself. Because you deserve to take care of yourself. Not because you’re not worthy of doing so.
You’ve got this.
CBT therapist and online coach