Letting Go Of what we cannot control & Going Foward With Intent.

Going forward with intent.
​I don’t know about you, but I feel pretty proud that I made it through this year in one piece. As I analyse the ups and downs, I recognize how momentous life truly is, no matter how chaotic it's been. One thing I have massively struggled with this year was the emotional cycle of excitement, frustration, sadness, hope, excitement, frustration, sadness, giving up etc It was vicious. Every single thing I had planned and had to look forward to was cancelled, so I'd rearrange, focus my thoughts on the next plan and it would inevitably come crashing down again with lockdown after lockdown until I became stuck in this emotional tunnel. It is easy to get stuck in the tunnels of our minds; to fret, pick and prod and overthink. Inevitably wearing ourselves down emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Often, we don’t complete the stress cycle because we live within a social construct that keeps us quiet. Dr Emily Nagasaki says “Think of emotions as tunnels. If you go all the way through them you get to the light at the end. Exhaustion happens when we get stuck in an emotion.”

The burnout I experienced this year was a result of not allowing myself to fully feel fatigued, frustrated, or sad. I grit my teeth and hit the pavement by responding with a busy trauma based "keep busy" ethic so I don't have to acknowledge how I feel, until I crashed and burned. 

So as you reflect and project, and even make new years resolutions. I highly encourage you to remember a simple guiding force that you may already know: you have no control over the past, very little over the future and no control whatsoever over how other people treat you, only to how you respond. A lot of what weighs us down is not actually ours to carry, let go of thing's you cannot control.

Let It Go
I begin by asking myself, “How does worrying about this help me or make me feel better?” Try writing it down, by doing this I can see that there is no chance of influencing or changing the outcome, so I need to try to let it go and focus inward on myself. 

So next, I write down, “What can I do to change my reaction towards things?” or "What boundaries can I put into place to protect myself?" and go from there.

BOUNDARIES ARE A FORM OF PROTECTION.It was January/February this year when I discovered that I had no clear set boundaries. I allowed others to invade my physical and emotional space and disrespect me. I prioritized their needs and in turn, denied my own. I learned quite early on that life is unforgiving. What I didn’t yet realize, was that the person that needed the most forgiveness was myself. Instead, I turned outward and showered the world with the kindness and love I so desperately needed myself. This pattern served its purpose for the circumstances surrounding my childhood but afforded little utility to my adult life. The consequence of having no clear boundaries was that I became disconnected from myself. Piece by piece, I chipped away integrity and authenticity. After being so far removed for such a long time — I eventually lost myself along the way. Physically, emotionally and mentally I had reached my absolute limit.

At its core, boundary work involves self-care at the deepest level. Practicing healthy boundaries is a powerful way to practice self-love and acceptance, both inward and outward. I was able to finally put my foot down and say that “this is enough” when I realized that I am enough. Like any worthwhile endeavour, boundary setting is a necessary practice that requires commitment and cultivation. I imagine a boundary as thin, transparent, film that surrounds and keeps me safe.

Finally, “what can’t I influence or change now (or maybe even ever?)”

First and foremost, you can’t change the fact that we are amid a pandemic, and plans are changing weekly, if not daily. There may of been hiccups this year, but we can’t change that or dwell on it. Here are some things I like to do to lessen the stress when I feel it bubbling up.

I like to go for a good walk to, whack my earphones in and zone out/focus on what needs to be done. Regular aerobic exercise has been shown to decrease overall tension levels, elevate and stabilize mood, improve sleep, and improve self-esteem. Even five minutes of aerobic exercise can begin to stimulate anti-anxiety effects! You tube "lazy girl workout" for a quick effective, low impact workout for a nice pick me up.

Or maybe even a pamper? Schedule in a little "Me" time, a good soak in the bath and a shave usually has me feeling like a new woman, along with painting my nails and a good ole facemask.

I also find baking extremely therapeutic and rewarding. So I could even have a workout, whip up a loaf cake mix and get it in the oven, then go for a soak and a pamper whilst it's baking. Treating myself after my pamper to a nice brew and a slice of cake with a good book = The ultimate in good pick me up vibes. Speaking of vibes...

Be aware of Your Energy
Now, your energy is kind of the catch-all for this section of intent. When you focus your energy or vibe on feeling happy, joyful, and excited about things, the chances are it will rub off on those around you too. By merely “putting out those good vibes,” from the way you speak on the phone to the excitement you create will make people feel welcome and happy around you. This will help to relieve any bad juju that may be floating around in people’s minds during this time of unrest. I'm a strong believer in bad juju and that we should treat others how we want to be treated- You reap what you sow and all that jazz.


Make time to do nothing. Yes. Really.
My brain is an organ. It needs care and restoration too. If you haven’t noticed, as I lay out my own intentions for the new year, I’m a driven, goal-oriented person who plans and plans and plans. I have no patience for unproductive days. And thus, what I really need is an unproductive day. Go figure! It’s like giving my muscles a break from exercising. They can’t strengthen without a rest day. Sometimes a full day isn’t attainable but even just a few hours to lie around, whether in some grass or on a couch, binge watch Netflix or get lost in a good book can really work wonders.

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