This July I turned 30 something and it got me to thinking about what lessons I've learned during my time here, what words of wisdom could I possibly pass on to others, my children or even a younger version of myself?
So here they are, my 30 something things I've learned during my time here.
1) Life is hard, but that's life - no smooth sea made a skilled sailor. Life is also a beautiful, magical thing.
2) Got an elderly relative? Those guys are the most magical purest humans in your life, cherish them. Spend as much time with them as you can, they wont show it often or tell you as they don't want to be a burden but they get incredibly lonely, go around for a brew, listen to their life stories over and over and over again, take their experiences in like a sponge, hug them, hold them, if they're widowed and alone chances are they don't have much physical affection and will miss it, a hug will cheer them right up, sit next to them, hold their hands. Show them they're loved and worthy of affection and your time. Time literally passes in the blink of an eye and one day they wont be here and you will never get that time back or them stories back and you would give to hear them one more time. I don't want you to live with them kind of regrets as I'm telling you they hurt.
3) Nobody is YOU and that is your power. You are a unique piece of sass.
4) Everyone is focked up on some level. Everyone.
5) Mean girls are not just isolated to high school. There will always be a clicky group of nasty bitches that have nothing nice to say about anyone, even each other.
6) Exercise and Nutrition are just as important as maths and English.
7) Mental health is just as important as Physical health.
8) Save money where you can when you can. You'll regret it later if you don't.
9) Every parent is winging it. There's no book on how to be the best parent and even if there is every parent and child is different so it would be a mute point. Do your best, make a mess and be a child with them, childhood is magic.
10) Most women have them annoying stray hairs- be it on your chin, your tummy or your nipple. Plus 99.9% of men and women have insecurities, we all find something about our bodies we're not happy with so you're not alone. But I can 100% guarantee you that NOBODY will see the same flaws in you, that you do, what you hate others will/may find beautiful. We are our own worst enemies.
11) All vaginas are unique, as are penises.
12) A healthy person doesn't aesthetically have to look a certain way. Physical health comes in all shapes and sizes. Health can have stretch marks and cellulite and still be nourished. Drop the stigma that skinny is healthy. Behind that skinny persona may lie bulimia with that person making themselves sick and undernourished, but that girl you called fat? She can deadlift 200kg and eats a vegetarian diet.
13) You can say no, to anything- without justification. Always set healthy boundaries in all areas of your life and stand by them.
14) Always crave intimacy, depth and respect not attention.
15) Never go to bed angry. Sort any issues prior and then forgive and forget. Tomorrow is a new day.
16) If you can't afford to buy it with cash, you can't afford it. Do not fall into the debt trap as once you're in it's a battle to get out of.
17) Its hard but don't let the world and the nasties in it make you bitter, never lower your standards out of upset, un just or anger, stay true to yourself and your journey, do everything in love.
18) You are the sum total of everything that has ever happened to you- every life event, every shit thing the mean girls at school said to you, every bad decision and every adventure. Your past experiences have shaped you into the warrior you are today but they do not define you, for that you must be grateful. Growth is good for the soul.
19) Let it go. Whatever hurts your soul 9 times out of ten is not your burden to carry. If someone hurts you its more a reflection of their character than a reflection of you. Don't take it personally, forgive, forget and let them go if need be.
20) You do not need another person to complete you, we are all drunk on the idea that love alone can save us or heal us, but healing and love start within, love yourself first and everything else will fall into place.
21) At the end of the day the only person you can trust is yourself, harsh but true. Have your own back and never depend on anyone for anything, a lot of people are only temporary, only a select few have good intentions for your soul.
22) Never ever stay in a toxic relationship for the sake of the kids. Trust me. It will do them more damage growing up in a toxic environment with two parents than it will living between two single happier parents, no child deserves to grow up in domestic violence walking on egg shells.
22b) No relationship is perfect. Seriously. We all argue, we all have a different opinions, different life values that can class, different boundaries etc etc my advice to you is to lay down values and boundaries early on in a relationship so that there is no upset further down the line, communicate with each other what you want from the relationship, what you will not accept in the relationship and what you wont, find someone whom respects your values and shares similar ones. Find someone you can grow with, life is about growth guys, we change daily, do not be with somebody who keeps you in a box of their own "ideal" and keeps your growth stagnant.
23) Vulnerability is not weakness. Its takes true strength of character to remain soft in such a cruel world.
24) Travel, Travel Travel. People watch. Take in different cultures. Get out in nature, walk barefoot on the grass, dance in the rain.
25) Donate where you can. Be it blood, clothes or food to the food bank. You reap what you sow, good Karma comes back to you. You never know when you may need help one day.
26) Take the damn pictures. Memories fade over time and we can doubt their accuracy, will you always remember the glint in your grandads eyes and will you always remember just how tiny your babies were when they were born or how proud they looked standing on the podium on sports day? I repeat take the damn photo!! You will always have that moment frozen in time.
27) Just because they're blood doesn't mean they have the best intentions for you. Make sure everybody in your boat is rowing, pay special attention to those who don't clap when you're winning. jealousy is a bitch. Keep your circle small in quantity but your quality high.
28) Always try to see it from the other persons perspective, we're committed in this life to misunderstanding others bred by lack of communication. Put yourself in their shoes.
29) Communicate. If you love someone tell them. If you see something beautiful in someone, tell them. Someone's upset you? Tell them. Someone being off with you?? Don't assume it's something you've done and see red, they may be going through a rough patch and struggling, reach out. We're all in this together at the end of the day and we're not mind readers. Communicate, use your heart as well as your ears, listen to understand not just to reply.
30) Nothing stays the same, nor should it. Grow. Make your growth game strong, always be evolving and strive to be a better version of yourself everyday.
31) Other peoples opinions of you are not always truth and most definitely do not define you. Every single person you meet will see a different version of you in their eyes. You cannot please everybody so do you. Live your life for you, because those who matter won't care how you chose to live your life as long as you're healthy and happy, and those who do care really don't matter darling. Cut off those whom do not support your growth and happiness, snip snip.
32) Not everybody has the same heart as you and that's ok. But understand just because somebody may not be loving you the way you want to be loved, doesn't mean they're not loving you with everything they have. And just because you may swim oceans for others doesn't mean they would do the same for you, you will break your own heart with them sort of expectations. Accept others for who they are within reason.
33) You will not always be happy and feel strong and that's ok. You will have sad days and bumpy days and rough times, but like I've said before, no smooth sea ever made a skilled sailor. You got this.
34) Always look for the magic in things, find happiness in the little things. The warmth of a cup of tea in your hands on a cold winters morning, cobwebs glistening with morning dew, the smell of the rain, the feel of sand under your feet, the sound of the ocean, the beauty of a sunset, the sound of autumn leaves under your feet, the wind through your hair, the heat of the sun on your face, the feel of a lovers lips upon your skin, the warmth of your Childs hand in yours, their little laughs and squeals when playing in the garden, their wee faces when your watching them sleep, the sun glimmering through the trees, the elderly couple holding hands walking down the street, the sound of presents being opened on Christmas morning, the beauty of fireworks and the smell of the bonfire, the sound of rain on the windows. Magic is everywhere guys, if you only look hard enough. Life is MAGIC.